I Still Eat Alone

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).

"All your need."

How often have you named something a "need" that in reality was merely a want? I clearly remember many times as single young woman looking ahead to one day marrying and dreaming of the day when I would no longer do certain things alone. I would have said that I "needed" a husband to share life with. I would have expressed my loneliness and my desire to support and encourage a husband. I would have drawn a picture of what I thought I needed and it would have included sharing even the most mundane tasks of life with the man I loved. I would have outline shared mealtimes, shopping trips, nights snuggled close to the one I loved, and long heart-to-heart talks on a regular basis. I would have considered each of those things to be more than just something I wanted, but instead something that I needed.

Guess what? Today I face what was then an unexpected reality. Yes, I am married to a wonderful, godly man who I count myself blessed to share life with, but many of those things I "needed," God has taught me I do not.

One of the realities of life as a Law Enforcement Officer's wife is that I am almost daily challenged to let go of that which I think I need and trust God to supply that which He knows I need. Yes, it can be hard to eat most of my meals alone, to go to bed regularly without my husband, and to not be able to talk through circumstances that seem so important on my own time table, but I have been learning that in the moments of lonely, in the moments of downright hard, He can be enough. He can supply for all my need according to His riches in glory by His Son Jesus Christ. He is always faithful.

My dreams for my future have not turn out as I planned that they would, but I can honestly say that I am thankful for each of the challenges God has used so far to begin teaching me the difference between wants and needs, to teach me a deeper reliance upon Him, and to show me in great and small ways that He is faithful to supply all of our needs.

I do not know what challenges the future may hold, but I imagine there will likely be greater challenges than the ones I have met so far and I am grateful for each of these small "growing pains" that are preparing me to trust that no matter what realities the future may hold, God knows just what I need and He will supply for all of my needs...even when my deepest wants and desires are left in shatters by the wayside.


To all my young friends out there who are yet looking ahead towards their hoped for future marriage, holding all your specific "needs" before the Lord. I would challenge you to let your grip go slack and truly trust the God you serve to supply all you need...even if it means a future that doesn't look like that which you have envisioned. Trust Him to be enough. No matter what. 

Trust in Tragedy

The past few days the news has been filled with accounts of police involved shootings, with police on both sides of the gun. My heart aches for the losses of life, for those who have lost loved ones, and over the fact that such happenings seem to be becoming more common place in our country. There are plenty of opinions out there as to what should be done, who was right and who was wrong. I will not join their ranks here. Instead I wanted to focus a little bit on what has gone through my mind upon hearing the recent news in the light of my husband being in Law Enforcement.

My husband was actually the one who first alerted me to what was happening, sending me a link to a news story about the Dallas Texas shooting early in the morning from work. In his words I could sense the weight he was carrying as he thought of the lives lost and the effect this shooting was having all across our country. That helplessness that settles over him each time there is a shooting (involving anyone). That desire to protect life and serve justice. Those very emotions that help pull him out of bed early each morning (or late each afternoon) to go face another day of uncertainty as he seeks to serve the public.

As I read the account my heart was saddened, as I mentioned previously, and those thoughts that so often cross the mind of law enforcement family members at such news winged their way through my mind once again. "What if it had been George? What if he had not come home yesterday? What if he had been the target? What if I was now a widow?"

How easy it is for fear to begin to creep into our hearts and minds as we think about sending our loved one off to work, never knowing what they will encounter or whether they will return as they left, or return at all. Yet, as quick as fears tried to take a hold I was reminded that even in tragic situations God is still God. He is still on His throne and He still holds our lives in His hands.

Yes, it could have been George. I could have become a widow. I may still become a widow some day. That thought hurts deeper than I can even begin to express in words, but at the same time I know that one day we all will die. Only God knows when, where and how. Whether it be from "natural causes" or at the end of a gun, when that time comes He will provide grace for those who are hurting. What would I gain by playing that "what if" game today except pain and a loss of joy in this moment?

Today I ache for those who have lost, my heart goes out to them, but at the same time I am thankful. Thankful for one more moment as George's wife. Thankful for one more opportunity to tell him I love him. Thankful that we serve a God who holds our lives in His hands and will not allow harm to come to us outside of His purposes. And when and if someday tragedy strikes our family, He will be the same God who loves us today and will still be worthy of our trust and praise. He will not change. Even though we will. He is steadfast forever. What a comfort!

Have I ever become fearful and begged my husband to find a new line of work? No. Because I know that God has called George to where he is. And since I know that God has called George into Law Enforcement I cannot but encourage him on the journey and trust him into God's care. One of the things I loved first about my husband was his steadfastness to follow the Lord wherever He called, even if it meant standing up for what was right at the possible cost of his own life. His willingness to say "yes" to the Lord and not give in to the fears of what man could/can do to him will always, always be something I will encourage, because above all I want to be married to a man who puts the Lord first. For him to be disobedient to God would be worse than bodily death. May he (and I) always fear the Lord more than we fear men and may we always put Him first in every area of life. This is my prayer.

Choices and Priorities

Today I was faced with a difficult choice. One I struggled not to second guess myself on more than once. While at church I was reminded of a graduation party this afternoon for a young man from church and was asked if I planned to come. I had completely forgotten the party was today, and while I knew I would enjoy additional fellowship if I went, I was not willing to make a quick decision without thinking through how it might effect my husband, who was at home sleeping after a night shift.

When I said I was not sure I could come because I needed to pack my husband's lunch (the first thing that came to mind), I was encouraged to go home, pack it quickly and then come on to the party. I left not fully committing one way or the other, but continuing to think through the wisdom of going or not going.

Part of me really wanted to go, because the idea of spending an afternoon with friends sounded both fun and relaxing. Besides I guessed that if I did not show up at least one person would wonder why I was not there, and likely would come to a wrong conclusion when I did not show up. Perhaps she would think that I was being unsociable, overly concerned about my husband, or some other scenario I had not even thought of, but most likely that person would not guess the whole truth. Yet, on the other hand, I was not sure I should go because in the last two days I had spent a maximum of three waking hours with my husband (and about an equal amount of sleeping hours...yes I count those as special too!). Those waking hours included his stages of waking up (where he does not say or hear much), sitting with him as he ate hurried breakfasts before heading out the door to work, and praying with him one morning before he crashed into bed after an especially challenging night at work. Not exactly quality time, but still time important to us in staying connected as a couple.

I decided that not seeing him awake at all today (unless you count when I peaked at him as he crawled into bed this morning before I rolled over and went back to sleep) did not sound appealing to me, or healthy for our relationship. Besides, I knew he had set his alarm so he could get the most sleep possible (he got to bed late because he unloaded and hooked up my new stove, sweet husband) and would be counting on me to get his breakfast while he showered and shaved so that he could still have a filling breakfast and get out the door on time. In other words, he sacrificed sleep to make sure I had a working stove, so the least I could do was make sure he had a substantial breakfast before he headed off for another busy night at work. Right?

Yet, even with those reasons in mind, I still wavered a bit about what I should do because I have had to pass up on several things this night shift so that I could not only spend time with my husband, but also show him love by fixing his breakfasts in the evenings and packing his lunches for work. I did not feel bad about saying no for my sake because I love spending time with my husband and spending time finding ways to show him how much I love him. No, I felt bad because I knew that people often do not understand why I say no to different events and are apt to misjudge me and my husband for the choices we make that may seem selfish or foolish from their outside, partial perspective.

In the end however, the joy of waking my husband up with a back rub when he did not hear his alarm at first and seeing his smile when I gave him his good morning kiss, and another smile as I set his breakfast before him, and another as he kissed me goodbye and headed out the door encouraged for another shift of duty made me know that I had made the right choice. No matter what anyone else thought. I was where I was supposed to be, by my husbands side supporting him all the way.

The moral of my tale. One, do not make assumptions until you know the facts. Law Enforcement life and night shifts are no joke and require sacrifices and creative living to keep family relationships strong and thriving. Two, think about your own priorities and make choices that are best for your family, no matter what others on the outside might think. In the end you will be glad you did. :)

~ Gracie

Moving Monday

You guessed it, we are moving (or will be moved by the time you see this post). Thankfully we are moving within the same community and not halfway across the country, but still, moving is moving. It requires planning, packing, and cleaning...among other things like ENERGY.

We have known we would be moving for a few months, and known where for about a month, and have only been able to begin the process in earnest within the last few days. God has blessed us with the opportunity to not live in an apartment this time, which we are grateful for. However, the place we are moving to has been empty for a few years and much dust and many cobwebs had made their home there. That meant we had much cleaning to do. All of the walls needed to be wiped down, the windows washed, and the kitchen and bathroom thoroughly scrubbed.

Now, I am not afraid of a little dirt and a little hard work, please do not get me wrong. But, you see, that was not the whole of it. If you or your spouse are a Law Enforcement Officer than you probably know all about consecutive days of long shifts. If you are not in law enforcement, think of three twelve hour days plus time to commute. So, you see, not only was there cleaning to do, but there was also packing, keeping up with food and laundry, a moving deadline looming overhead, and all of this must be accomplished without my husband. Oh, and did you noticed the big, bold "energy" in the first paragraph? I have been lacking in that due to being pregnant. Are you beginning to get the picture?

As moving day loomed closer and closer I had many moments of near despair, but my sweet husband, continued to remind me that God would be our strength and stay. That I must continue to put my trust in Him, especially when I felt I had nothing left to give. In my tired, more emotional moments I struggled to cling to this truth, but He showed Himself faithful time and again. He sent family to help. Family who joyously dropped their own responsibilities for a whole afternoon to clean, and another day to help with the packing, and a third to help with the move.

Yes, there are challenges to the Law Enforcement life. There are many times that I must face big changes and challenges without my husband directly by my side. Yes, it is hard and stretches me to the point of breaking. It is a sacrifice, but it is one that I am willing to make. Why? Because one, God has called George to Law Enforcement, two, He has called me to be George's helper, and three, my husband is helping make life a little safer for the masses.

On the hard days, on the alone days, that is when I realize yet again what a wonderful God we serve. Without His sustaining power, His gifts of mercy and grace (like family), and His faithfulness I could not be who I am called to be, the wife of a Law Enforcement Officer. Whatever challenges you may be facing today, I pray that you may also find your sustenance in Him!

~ Gracie