The months past. I was so sick and juggling a baby and my husband was on nights. There was hardly time or energy to wash the dishes, much less write my jumbled thoughts. Days turned to weeks turned to months and then it happened. The unexpected. The dreaded. My water broke, we lost our baby at just four and a half months gestation.
It has been hard. Giving up a dream and losing a son. Yes, it was a little boy. We would have had two boys, just about now. The first few weeks were the hardest, but God has been gracious. My mom was able to come and stay with me during recovery and that allowed me time to think and pray and to process.
This summer has not been at all what I thought it would be, but it has been good. I have been busy many weeks, but inside I have tried to remain as quiet as I can and just focus on treasuring each moment with my son and my husband. I do not want to live in fear, but I do want to live fully with all thankfulness. The truth is, we are not promised tomorrow. We only have right here and right now. God has been stretching me. Challenging me to grasp the fact that worrying about the future is futile, and that I can trust Him fully to do what is best. My grasp on this truth is feeble at best, but that feebleness drives me more and more often to my knees in prayer to the Maker of all. For without Him I am and can do nothing.
Today I can rejoice because I can hold fast to my Savior. He is indeed the anchor to my soul, sure and steadfast (Hebrews 6:19). Life this side of marriage has been sweeter then I ever thought it could be, but also harder than I envisioned. Yet through each unexpected event, each moment of sorrow, God has remained steadfast. I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I do know who holds tomorrow. So, here is to new adventures and new posts (I hope!). The journey continues.
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