Trust in Tragedy

The past few days the news has been filled with accounts of police involved shootings, with police on both sides of the gun. My heart aches for the losses of life, for those who have lost loved ones, and over the fact that such happenings seem to be becoming more common place in our country. There are plenty of opinions out there as to what should be done, who was right and who was wrong. I will not join their ranks here. Instead I wanted to focus a little bit on what has gone through my mind upon hearing the recent news in the light of my husband being in Law Enforcement.

My husband was actually the one who first alerted me to what was happening, sending me a link to a news story about the Dallas Texas shooting early in the morning from work. In his words I could sense the weight he was carrying as he thought of the lives lost and the effect this shooting was having all across our country. That helplessness that settles over him each time there is a shooting (involving anyone). That desire to protect life and serve justice. Those very emotions that help pull him out of bed early each morning (or late each afternoon) to go face another day of uncertainty as he seeks to serve the public.

As I read the account my heart was saddened, as I mentioned previously, and those thoughts that so often cross the mind of law enforcement family members at such news winged their way through my mind once again. "What if it had been George? What if he had not come home yesterday? What if he had been the target? What if I was now a widow?"

How easy it is for fear to begin to creep into our hearts and minds as we think about sending our loved one off to work, never knowing what they will encounter or whether they will return as they left, or return at all. Yet, as quick as fears tried to take a hold I was reminded that even in tragic situations God is still God. He is still on His throne and He still holds our lives in His hands.

Yes, it could have been George. I could have become a widow. I may still become a widow some day. That thought hurts deeper than I can even begin to express in words, but at the same time I know that one day we all will die. Only God knows when, where and how. Whether it be from "natural causes" or at the end of a gun, when that time comes He will provide grace for those who are hurting. What would I gain by playing that "what if" game today except pain and a loss of joy in this moment?

Today I ache for those who have lost, my heart goes out to them, but at the same time I am thankful. Thankful for one more moment as George's wife. Thankful for one more opportunity to tell him I love him. Thankful that we serve a God who holds our lives in His hands and will not allow harm to come to us outside of His purposes. And when and if someday tragedy strikes our family, He will be the same God who loves us today and will still be worthy of our trust and praise. He will not change. Even though we will. He is steadfast forever. What a comfort!

Have I ever become fearful and begged my husband to find a new line of work? No. Because I know that God has called George to where he is. And since I know that God has called George into Law Enforcement I cannot but encourage him on the journey and trust him into God's care. One of the things I loved first about my husband was his steadfastness to follow the Lord wherever He called, even if it meant standing up for what was right at the possible cost of his own life. His willingness to say "yes" to the Lord and not give in to the fears of what man could/can do to him will always, always be something I will encourage, because above all I want to be married to a man who puts the Lord first. For him to be disobedient to God would be worse than bodily death. May he (and I) always fear the Lord more than we fear men and may we always put Him first in every area of life. This is my prayer.