A crisp breeze tumbles leaves of golden yellow from trees across the street, brilliant blue peeps through gray-white clouds that nearly overcast the sky, and the sun is racing towards the western horizon even though it is still the middle of the afternoon. Fall is definitely here. I shake my head. I can hardly believe the summer I was sure would never come has flashed by so quickly. The anticipation I felt as I awaited the arrival of our baby has quickly passed into slightly less restful nights, and days filled with changing diapers, wiping slobber, and kissing soft baby cheeks. Am I as happy as I thought I would be? Yes, and even much more so than I ever imagined. Our little "Jay" has filled our lives with such rich joy, and yet in the midst of this joy that often feels to big to contain, there has been the unexpected. Unexpected faith challenges. Unexpected growing pains. Unexpected joy.
We read about, decided on, and prepared for a home birth diligently. We prayed and the Lord provided an excellent midwife. We bought our supplies and waited somewhat impatiently for the arrival of our little one. The day dawned with the gushing of waters and consistent contractions. The midwife arrived and it did not look like we would have long to wait. And then complications arose. Nothing the midwife could not handle, it was just take more time. Time passed, things moved forward, and then again complications arose. The midwife decided that we had a unique challenge on our hands that was not going to be solved so easily. My body was failing to do its job properly and no amount of knowledge could fix it. Off the the hospital we went for the unexpected. A c-section.
We had not planned for this. In fact we had barely considered that the possibility that needing one would arise. I was healthy, young, and we had been diligent in our preparations...at least most of the time...yet here we were facing surgery. In that moment my mind spun. Were we sure this was necessary? Yes. I looked deep into my midwife's eyes, and then my husband's. My body was tired, but my mind was still sharp. I saw that no one wanted this for me, but that there were no other good options. "God, I don't know why we are here, but I know that You are still in control, " my heart whispered. I agreed by signing release papers and was rolled away by people I did not know into a room just as strange for a procedure that I did not really fully understand. I listened to the nurses and doctor. I did what was asked. It all happened so fast that I did not have much time to think, but I do remember asking God to protect my baby.
Then he was here! A little bundle of soft, sweet, baby-ness. I only got to hold him a brief minute on my chest before they had to whisk him away. They had struggled a few extra seconds getting him out, he was cold.I was left alone, as my husband went with the baby. I was glad he was with our little one, but never did moments pass so slowly as those where I lay shaking uncontrollably as they put me back together. Never did I feel so helpless. Yet, at the same time, never was I so thankful. Thankful that my labor was done. Thankful that my baby was safe. Thankful that I was going to be fine.
A surprise C-section could have been really hard to swallow, but all along the way the Lord was gracious. He surrounded me with caring nurses and doctors. My husband stayed with me nearly every minute until I was discharged from the hospital a couple of days later, and my mom was with us most of the time as well. I healed quickly. Soon we were home, where my husband and mom cared for me for the next several weeks. That time of healing was a growing time, a stretching time, a bonding time. Even though things did not happen as planned, God still used it for good. And all I can say is, "Thank You, Father!"
