There Are Fly Guts on the Chair

Written November 9, 2015

Though this post is older than the blog, I still wanted to share it with you all because
God used a fly splatter in a very unique way to help me reflect on what loving really
should look like in the middle of the chaos of life. 

There are times when small, seemingly insignificant things make you stop and think. Tonight it was, of all things, fly guts on a chair. As winter hangs in the offings, flies have become more pesky as they seem to know their time is limited and they are determined to have one last hurrah before cold weather flies (no pun intended). As I attempted to clear the house of these overly friendly insects, I might have gotten a little too zealous and thus the bug juices on the back of one of our dinning room chairs. As I wiped away the remains, I stopped for a moment and I knew that I would write.

What was it about the messy smear that caught my attention? Perhaps it was that here was yet another mess to clean up. You see, only weeks into married life can mean a less than tidy habitation. Boxes, packing materials, items in strange places, and daily treasure hunts. Are you getting the idea? Yes, as much as I do not want to admit it, our new home is in shambles. Still. My sweet husband tells me to be patient, but my internal organizer is screaming daily due to the disorder all around. I want to take control of the mess, clean it up and have everything put in it's own place. I want things to be neat and welcoming, and since they are not, I am struggling with feelings of failure and guilt in my new role as wife and housekeeper. 

The other day I broke down in tears and shared with my husband how hard it was to know what needed to be done but to not have the time and/or energy to get it all done. I shared how I was struggling with doubt at my abilities to be a good wife. He hugged me close and begin to whisper assurances that I was a good wife, that I was doing well in my new role, and that I needed to be patient with myself in this new season full of new things to learn and new responsibilities to manage. He encouraged me to keep seeking the Lord above all else and trust Him to teach me in my new role and then my sweetheart prayed such a sweet prayer for me. I went to bed with a lighter heart praying that I could keep my eyes firmly on the Lord the next day. 

Enter today and the fly guts on the chair. We are on nights right now, and while my husband was sleeping I was working hard to prepare food for the next several busy days/nights. After the cooking was finished, I had other various cleaning chores on my list of things to accomplish as well as a quick run to town to do some errands. I looked at the clock as I hurried out the door. It was already nearly three. When I arrived back home it was after three and I knew my husband would be up in a few short hours to get ready for work and I had not even gotten his lunch packed. 

I looked at the remaining tasks on my to-do list and then at the mountain of dishes piled in the sink. How would I get everything done? In the midst of feeling just a wee bit overwhelmed, my phone vibrated. I picked it up to see a text from my husband saying that he had been struggling to sleep the last several hours. I looked around at all the mess again, and then made a decision that was, quite frankly, hard in some ways. I went and crawled in bed next to my husband and snuggled down for a nap. 

You see, even while I was struggling to rejoice in the midst of the chaos and mess, I realized in that moment that being a good wife was more than keeping a "perfect" house, or having gourmet meals everyday. Being a good wife more importantly meant following that greatest command to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, strength and mind, and to love my neighbor/others as myself (Luke 10:27). While that did not diminish the importance of my other responsibilities, it reminded me of a couple of truths. One, I needed to keep God first for it is only in Him that we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28). Second, I needed to remember that my identity is not in how I performed my tasks and duties as a housekeeper. It is in Jesus Christ my Lord. And lastly, I needed to remember that people and relationships are more important than a perfectly kept house and flawless meals. Being a good wife, or sister, or friend, for that matter, often means letting go of our ideas of perfection and loving others through momentarily dying to our goals and ambitions. Not because our goals and ambitions are bad, but because truly loving and caring for others cannot be done on a schedule. 

Did I get the to-dos done? The mountain of dishes washed? Yes, I did. Not in my timing...but I pray in His. May I ever become more sensitive to His leading, to dying to self, and to spontaneously loving those whom He puts in my path and meeting their needs in such a way as to reflect His love into their lives and all with the greatest of joy!